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Moving House aka The Big CD Clear Out

September 20, 2011

So you might’ve noticed that it’s been a bit quiet on the blog lately – the last time I checked there was tumbleweed blowing across its path. But this time I have an excellent excuse as I have just moved house. Having dealt with the trauma of cleaning till your knuckles bleed [gotta get that deposit back], living without internet for two weeks and making the obligatory Ikea run, the biggest decision I made [apart from deciding to organise my books by colour – gratuitous bookshelf porn photo above…] was to clear out over half of my CD collection.

Of course, CDs are fast slipping into the grave of format war casualties and for lots of good reasons – they’re ugly and scratchy and they’re surrounded by too much plastic. But while it’s easy to dismiss them it’s still hard for me to part with a collection I’ve been nurturing since I was 11. There was a point where the mere thought of losing one CD [let alone 184] caused a little knot of loss to form in my throat. Having said that I’ve hardly listened to them in the last couple of years – easy access to iTunes and a new obsession with my record player fast took over – and, typically, it’s only since I’ve decided to clear ’em out that I’ve actually had them back on rotation. And this is what I’ve learnt:

Hardest Album To Part With: Beverley Knight – Prodigal Sista 

Just forget Beverley’s misguided forays into pop rock or the smug way she’s now covering Britain’s back catalogue of great soul tracks as if her over-singing them would make them infinitely better [what have we learnt from history? – apparently nothin’]. It’s not her fault that the UK recording industry gets really confounded by black female soul singers.

Prodigal Sista is her only album where Beverley Knight actually sounds comfortable with her sound, flying the flag for the UK in 1998 just as the neo-soul movement was erupting in the US. I remember at the time hearing the ‘Made It Back’ remix with Redman on VH1 and following the trail to get my sticky fingers all over this and then spending many an hour singing into my Impulse deodorant can to ‘Damn’ [simply put I just love to look at you, cause to love you is a waste of time…]. Check out this vintage Jools Holland of ‘A.W.O.L’ – try not to focus too much on the mid-length suit jacket:

Album I Can’t Wait To See The Back Of: Maroon 5 – Songs About Jane

 I just can’t stand this shit anymore and I especially can’t stand Adam Levine’s greasy face. Now when I watch the video for ‘This Love’ I have to avert my eyes while he writhes all over some poor woman just to spare my stomach.

My man was slightly obsessed with this album for a minute and I thought it was cute at first – plus I think it gave me a break from Dead Prez’s RBG for a while. But now even MusicMagpie only wants to give me 30p for it – not that they really recycle it, they probably just donate it to the secret service for part of their ‘torture music’ selection.

I reckon that 30p is just for the bonus Maroon 5 screensaver my CD version comes with, they don’t really want the music. Just the free software for their Mac Powerbooks. There’s probably an in-house competition at MusicMagpie for worst employee screensaver of the month where the winner walks away with a variety pack of Monster Munch. Anything for monster Munch!

Most Disappointing Album Considering How Hard I Worked To Acquire It: N’Dambi – Little Girl Lost Blues

I obsessed over this album for ages. At the time it felt like the Holy Grail – I was on some crazed mission to acquire any music even slightly related to Erykah Badu – especially backing singers. I’d definitely listened to Badiuzm Live one too many times.

But Little Girl Lost Blues isn’t exactly one of those albums you can pick up off the shelf at Nice Price and finally I went on some internet mission to get this. And then after all that, I think I listened to it about once. I can’t even think of anything clever to say about why I don’t like it, it’s just a bit meh.

Bargain Bin = Bargain Win: Gabrielle – Find Your Way

 Yes, yes, yes! I remember finding this in some dump of a music shop in Germany. It was mercilessly chucked into a bargain bucket possibly along with some German schlager music and Des O’Connor. This is even before the Euro existed and it cost me the grand sum of five DM. The only song I knew [of course] was ‘Dreams’ but I thought it would be worth a shot.

So don a motherfuckin’ eye-patch because this album, that cost me the equivalent of £2, is a masterclass in UK R&B from the 90s. Better than Mica Paris, Shola Ama or Des’ree all stuffed into one giant scotch egg and wrapped up in a Union Jack. I’ve already checked it out on discogs and I’m upgrading to the vinyl for the magic amount of 99p. ‘Who could you love more?!’.

Most Embarrassing Album In My Entire Collection: Celine Dion – Falling Into You

This album is so embarrassing I haven’t been able to throw it away up until now. It’s so embarrassing in fact that I’m almost proud of it. It’s not even like it ended up my collection accidentally. I must’ve bought it/asked for it/had it given to me when I was about 13 and I could actually sing along to every song. EVERY SONG!!! Word for word. Loudly and badly. Celine Dion! Surely I win some sort of prize for that?

I’ve been waiting for some sort of reality television programme where hip presenters surprise people in their homes demanding to see the most embarrassing album they own. [I’m envisioning this on Channel 4]. Then they’re forced to have a public sing-a-long to exercise their demons before it’s put to public vote. The winner gets two VIP tickets to the artist in questions next gig and a meet and greet [unless they’re dead, then they get tickets to the shittiest tribute band the show’s researcher’s can find]. That’s what I’m waiting for – free tickets to a Celine Dion arena tour and the chance to get my photo taken with her snaggletooth.

Sing-a-long anyone?



One Comment leave one →
  1. November 4, 2011 7:50 pm

    celine is king (kong) and why did gabrielle always wear an eye patch?

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