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Malakai – Ugly Side of Love [Invada/B-Block]

July 1, 2009

A recent semi-clever [not to start any inter-journalism beef or anything] review said that Malakai’s debut album was ‘perversely good enough to fuck’. Statements like this make the mind wander…. and wonder: How would one coerce Ugly Side of Love into bed if one were that way inclined?

Do you think that perhaps Gee and Scott, the twosome that make up this Bristol born band, would act as pimps offering their albums’ services for a reasonable sum of cash? And do you have to bump and grind the whole album like some sordid 14-piece orgy or can you make sweet love to each track individually?

That throws up a whole dilemma in itself. Do you think on entering this unusual melodious brothel they would stand in an arousing line-up offering their wares? And more importantly which track would you choose?

‘Snakecharmer’, a free-spirited flower child obsessed with solo George Harrison records, who recreationally flirts with psychedelic hallucinogens or ‘Laydown Stay Down’ who, as the name suggests, specialises in light funk bondage and drum-thumping dominatrix games?

I’m inclined to say I might go for ‘Omega Time’, soulfully sexed up, a bit rock n’ roll and not afraid of the kinkier stuff; the only downside being a bit too much chat at the end. It’s a close call though because there’s also ‘Fading World’: straight out of a Blaxpoitation flick, enveloped in cigarette smoke, curvaceous and resonating. Listening to it is like the first time you see Pam Grier’s breasts in Coffy; jaw-droppingly sexy and little bit overwhelming.

But it’s pretty obvious whom to avoid if the opportunity to sleep with a track on Ugly Side of Love does present itself, cause if ‘Shitkicker’ made a pass at me, I’d be out of that musical bordello quicker than a drumbeat.

[Originally reviewed for PUB.lication]

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